Saturday, December 9, 2017

2017

I promised myself when I made this blog that I was going to be vulnerable and real. This post is going to be uncomfortable for me to write just because it is so personal, but I think it needs to be heard. This year has been crazy. I have never felt more sad, nervous, free, and excited in my life. 2017 has contained so much change so lets rewind shall we?

In 2016, my life was overall pretty amazing. Not only did I have my best friend by my side, but I also made a solid group of friends, and out of that group of friends, I met a guy. My health was amazing so I was going on adventures almost everyday with some of the people I held closest to my heart. I felt on top of the world. Towards the end of 2016 I wanted to know what it would be like to fully rely on God because to be honest, I didn't feel like I was at the time. So one night, I said a prayer something like this: "Lord, I am so grateful for all you have blessed me with this year. I love how my relationship has grown so much with You, but I don't want it to just be strong because everything is going well in my life. I will stay strong even through the trials. In 2017, send them my way so I can rely on you and deepen my relationship with you." ....... I don't think 2016 Rhe really understood what she prayed for there haha.

 Let me give you a little run down of my year. My grandpa got diagnosed with cancer, I lost my best friend, I had a seizure after being four years seizure free, and I went through a break up which resulted in losing the solid group of friends. I cannot begin to describe how difficult this year has been, but I would never EVER take back that prayer. I lost so much this year, but my faith has grown tremendously. When you have no one to rely on but God, it is honestly amazing. Before when a struggle hit, I would call my best friend or my boyfriend and have them help me. This year, I cried out to God and He has helped me overcome so much.

I was never the type of person to make decisions for myself. If you've known me, you would know I have always wanted to move to Southern California. I never was actually going to go though because I wanted to stay in my comfort bubble as said previously in another blog post. I would not be going to Westmont if I was still in a relationship or if I was still in that friendship. A year ago, Westmont wasn't even an idea. There was actually an entirely different idea planned out on where I was going to go and it never felt right. It didn't feel like God's purpose, but instead mine. Westmont was all the Lord's doing. I randomly applied there to go in the Fall (August 2018) because the words "Apply to Westmont" were echoing in my head. I was scared because I didn't want to go to a school where I only knew one person and I was worried about how people may judge me for being epileptic. I overall reluctantly applied because the words wouldn't stop repeating and I honestly did not think I would get in. A week after I applied, I received an email from Admissions asking me if I would like to attend Westmont SOONER, in the Spring (January 2018). I was completely shocked and started to become very excited. I didn't think I could financially do it, but God has provided so much to make it possible. I am overcome with joy writing this because I can proudly say that this is God's will for me. I don't know what He has planned for me there, but all I know is I am relying on Him every step of the way.

I also never would be here writing this blog if it wasn't for that seizure in March and if it wasn't for the people who made me feel like a burden. Those people hurt me, but helped me realize who I am and I am honestly so grateful that they did. I was able to create a blog and write about what I'm learning each week and it feels so freeing. I feel like I am no longer in a box trying to hide this "secret" about me.


I cannot describe to you how hard it was to lose those people. The healing process was a major struggle, but I fully believe now that everything happens for a reason. Before this year, I had never really understood how God was working in my life, but now it has been made clear. The chaos and struggles only last so long. God has a purpose for each trial we face. It was very hard for me to see why I was losing so many people, but I understand now. I have never cried so much. I have never felt more worn out or more discouraged, but I have also never felt more excited. I have never felt this close to God in my lifetime. He is fully in control.

The trials I have faced have given me this personal relationship with God that I wouldn't trade for anything. They have given me opportunities that I never would have seen or taken before. It is important to remember that God is number one. This life is His not mine. My goal is to truly live by Acts 20:24. This verse says, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace."

If you read this far, thank you. You deserve a hash brown.
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