Saturday, January 13, 2018

Dwelling

I know, I know, I have been vacant lately on my blog and I apologize. I write when I feel God has placed a certain subject on my heart. I didn't really feel that for awhile, but instead I felt lost. These past few weeks have been a battle for me. A lot of change was happening all around me and my mind just went on a dwelling lockdown. I was missing how things used to be. 

One thing I have learned while dwelling this month is that we as humans are horrible to ourselves. We try to go back in our minds and fix every little thing. We want so badly to rewrite our past mistakes that we end up missing everything right in front of us. I can't describe how badly I wanted things to go back to about six years ago before the seizure medication. I miss my naturally bubbly self that didn't have to chug caffeine just to be on the same level as everyone else. I miss feeling normal and I always will, but there comes a time where one must move on. 

Dwelling is one of the worst possible things you can do to yourself. It will ruin you and keep you away from the self-growing that needs to be done. I wasn't growing at all because I was so focused on what could have happened. The idea of moving was just a change too big that my mind couldn't handle. I focused on how badly I wanted things to go back to six years ago when everything was easy. I couldn't leave this in the past. If I wasn't thinking about it during the day, I was dreaming about it at night. Recently, I was praying and I just felt God telling me that it was time to let my past go. I needed to give up how I used to be (before the draining medication side effects took hold) and let God use me now in different ways now.

I want you to please make me a promise tonight. Promise me that whatever has been bothering you deep down, whatever has been consuming your mind, whatever you have been dwelling on will no longer take over your joy and happiness that you deserve. It is so important to let things go. I cannot emphasize that enough. The day that you stop prioritizing that situation or thing that is bothering you, is the day you will feel that freedom. It is never an easy process, but it is the only way you can live the life that God has desired for you. I may have to drink loads of caffeine to be like everyone else, but hey it's worth it because the medication is keeping me safe. There is a positive aspect to everything, but it is your choice whether you choose to see it or not. 

As Always, 
     Remember to Rhelive

PS: I have now officially moved to Santa Barbara and I can't wait to tell you all about it so get ready:)! Next blog post coming soon! 
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