Wednesday, January 31, 2018

The Big Move

Moving away with my epilepsy condition has been quite a journey, and I've only been here for a couple of weeks. To start from the beginning, I had no plan to leave my hometown until two months ago when I decided it was time for me to push myself. This decision was so spontaneous and last minute. I accepted Westmont's offer of admissions officially at the end of November and then I moved in January.

So far it has been pretty crazy. Once I arrived to Santa Barbara, I became extremely sick. I stayed in my dorm for one night and then I had to evacuate due to mudslides, (please keep the beautiful town of Montecito in your prayers.) With that entire week of evacuation, I was luckily able to get better and return to school ready for the semester.

It has been an interesting transition to say the least. I have felt completely alone, lost, eager, and excited. I never thought that I would go far away for college by myself. I always figured that since I had epilepsy, I was going to need to be dependent on someone at all times. I built my college choices around friendships and relationships because I never thought I could actually do what I wanted to do on my own. With being an epileptic, I am always reminded of the "impossible" things aka moving away. (My neurologist still isn't fully aware of this decision yet...whoops.) I moved away and am learning how to live with this on my own. I know I have already said this previously, but I am still just so shocked. I can't believe I moved out of my little bubble town. I am smiling so big right now because this was never an option before. It never seemed possible. I feel so alive and ecstatic for what God has planned.

 Of course, I have already faced some struggles like the automatic lights in the bathroom, the constant anxiety of seizing in class, and the reoccurring worrying about no one finding me if I was to have a seizure. This journey is not going to be an easy one, but I can not describe how freeing it feels to finally be living my life the way I want to. I understand I will always have to depend on others around me for my health, but I am finally realizing that I don't NEED others to live my life for me.

I guess what I am hoping to get across here is that you can do anything you set your mind to. Don't compromise and follow other people's actions. Don't make excuses on why you can't go out of your comfort zone. Take a leap of faith and go all in. I have learned so much about myself and I am continuing to grow so much. I hear a lot of people in my hometown complain about being trapped. I understand because I was one of those people too. Although, instead of just talking about wanting to leave and start over, actually make it happen. Make a plan right now. Write it out if you have to but no more excuses. I never knew what it was like to live with a sense of peace and freedom until now. I have a condition that does everything it can to bring me down and it did for many years but not anymore. So don't let whatever is holding you back win either.  Relive your life so that you feel that sense of freedom in your heart

PS: I already have such a sweet support group here who has helped me so much. For example, we went to a restaurant and there were fans on which was making the whole room strobe. Me being the shy person that I am just told my friends that I would wait outside while they got their food. One of my favorite human beings that I have met here so far asked the manager to turn off the fans and he did so that I could come back inside and sit with the group (shoutout to Nissi). Little things like that mean the absolute world to me. I have learned that I am open about my epilepsy, but for some reason I don't have the courage to ask people to do something for me regarding my epilepsy. I guess that is just one more thing to overcome:)

It means the world to me that you took the time to read my blog!

 As Always, 
 Remember to Rhelive:)

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